


Life, Love, and Farewell

by Bear_Squared51



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Celebration of Life, Character Death, Death, I Made Myself Cry, M/M, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 07:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12383325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bear_Squared51/pseuds/Bear_Squared51
Summary: A month and half since Katsuki Yuuri died, Victor, with the help of fellow skaters, puts on a celebration of life at Ice Castle Hasetsu.





	Life, Love, and Farewell

**Author's Note:**

> This has been hovering around my head for a while, so I finally sat down and wrote it. Here's some blankets and cookies.

The lights over the ice of Ice Castle Hasetsu clicked on one by one, illuminating the empty, smooth rink. The audience was silent, with the exception of the occasional sniff or blowing nose. Victor’s heart clenched as the first notes of the opening song began to play. With a breath pulled deep and steady, he set one blade to the ice, then the other, and pushed to start one of his final performances.

**There was a boy**

**A very strange enchanted boy**

               On the projection screen which had been set up above and behind the ice, where the audience could see it without problem, a picture of the love of his life, his two “L” words, appeared. Yuuri, blue glasses on, waving and smiling at Victor who stood behind the camera.

**A magic day he passed my way**

               The lights focused on Victor, drawing the audience’s attention to him as he moved into a layback Ina Bauer.

**This he said to me**

**“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn**

**Is just to love and be loved in return”**

               Victor sped up and launched himself into a quad flip, landing as the last note faded out.

 

Phichit wiped at his nose with a tissue, leaning back into Chris’s steady strength for a moment. As Victor skated over to leave the ice, Phichit stepped forward, placing a hand on the silver Russian’s shoulder. They shared a brief hug as a video crackled to life on the screen above them. Laughter echoed around the rink before Yuri’s voice was heard.

               “So Katsudon, have you figured out your programs for this season?”

               The camera focused in on Yuuri, wearing his favorite soft pair of sweats as he sat on the floor of the studio apartment he and Victor lived in. He grimaced. “Why are you recording this?”

               Yuri _tched_. “Just answer the question.”

               Yuuri shook his head, but a small smile played around his lips. He looked up at Victor, sitting behind him on the couch. “I have. Since the whole debacle last year with my meds and coming out with my mental health, I’m thinking of dedicating this season to that. Skate out what I feel, hopefully raise some awareness, maybe help some people.”

               “Wow Yuuri. That’s awesome.” Yurio’s voice was thick. That video ended just as Victor bent down to place a kiss on Yuuri’s forehead. Phichit skated out to the center of the ice as the next video started. His own voice now echoed around them.

               “Sawasdee Krab. Thank you all for attending this celebration of my good friend’s...no...my best friend’s life. We all decided to prerecord videos of what we may possibly want to say about Yuuri, and about the skates we are doing. Skating is difficult, and we want to do the best performances of our careers for him, and let’s just say skating after giving an emotional speech is something none of us want to attempt.” Phichit on the screen gave a weak laugh, wiped at his eyes, and took a steadying breath. “This first song I’m skating to is the one Yuuri was considering for his short program. Skyscraper by Demi Lovato. Though he didn’t often admit it, I was with him the first time he heard this song, and it had him in tears. It resonated with him on a personal level. I will be performing the choreography he had, and adding in a bit of my own to fill in the gaps which hadn’t been hammered out yet. And please, if you ever feel like you are a danger to yourself, tell someone. Ask for help. There’s no shame in it.”

               The video faded and a spotlight hit Phichit. His shaking calmed as he began to move across the ice.

**Go on and try to tear me down,**

**I will be rising from the ground,**

**Like a skyscraper, like a skyscraper**

               Phichit ended up making all the jumps singles as his eyesight blurred with unshed tears. He heaved in a few breaths before skating to leave the ice, applause scattered, the air mostly filled with sobs.

 

Yuri, for once, allowed all his emotions to shine through as he took to the ice while a video of himself now played.

               “Kats- Yuuri, reached out to me when many skirted around me. Needless to say, I was an angry kid. And while everyone around me did their best to deal with me, he was the only one to reach out and offer me some stability while I was navigating a long-distance relationship and the passing of my grandfather. He was the older brother I never knew I wanted. This song that I’m skating to is a favorite of ours.”

               Yuri went into a camel spin, switching feet, and ending with his arms at his side, standing there for the last verse of the song, shoulders heaving with the sobs tearing through him.

**We go through life**

**So sure of where we’re headin’**

**And then we wind up lost**

**And it’s the best thing that could have happened**

**‘Cause sometimes when you lose your way**

**It’s really just as well**

**Because you find yourself**

               As the song finished, Otabek skated out and wrapped him arms around his boyfriend, now slightly taller than him.

 

No video played as Chris made his way to slightly off-center of the rink. Instead, piano filled the arena. He stood until the lyrics started, then began the purest, least sexy skate he had done since becoming a sex symbol. Chris launched himself into a series of jumps, all triples and doubles, for the second verse.

**In daylights?**

**In sunsets?**

**In midnights?**

**In cups of coffee?**

**In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife?**

               He caught sight of Victor folded in two, hunched over his knees, his mother-in-law rubbing circles onto his back as she wiped at her own eyes. A feeling of determination swelled in him, and he poured his soul into his next step sequence.

**In five hundred twenty-five**

**Thousand six hundred minutes.**

**How do you measure a year in a life?**

 

Thus the afternoon progressed, with the first hour ending with Otabek skating to Sound of Silence by Disturbed. Takeshi skated out afterwards, microphone in hand.

               “We are going to put in a short break to allow the skaters to compose themselves. Feel free to get a drink and some food in the lobby, and enjoy the music which was considered, but ultimately not selected, for our performance today.” He left the ice, eyes glancing to the group of skaters now in a huddle, arms wrapped around each other.

               _Do you even know, Yuuri, the impact you had on the people around you?_ He placed his blade guards on before scooping his daughters, all three, though they were starting to get too big to be picked up, into a hug, placing a comforting kiss on each of their heads. He saw Yuuko give him a tiny smile, the first turn up of her lips since they received the news of the accident a month and a half before.

 

Victor finally found himself alone, standing out back of the ice rink. He stared without seeing at the river below him, the pedestrian bridge that he would cross everyday with his husband. He felt a warm presence settle next to him, and a puff of smoke entered his field of vision. Mari.

               “This is really great, that you put all this together for him.”

               Victor grunted, throat feeling raw and not wanting to speak. Something hot was pressed into his hands. He looked down. A thermos.

               “Okaasan insisted I bring this out to you. It’s just tea. I’ve got stronger stuff stashed for you when this is over.”

               Victor managed a nod, uncapping the bottle and taking a small sip, immediately feeling the relief in his throat. “Spasibo.”

               They stood in silence for a few more moments. Victor knew he should head back inside before he got too cold, knowing he was once again first up to skate.

               Mari tapped out her cigarette. “Take your time, if you need to warm up again before you skate you can. No one is going to push you today.”

               “Thanks, Mari. I just needed to be alone.”

               “I know.” her voice was soft. “Yuuri did a lot as a kid. And I would do the same. Just go stand with him, or near him, and watch over him.”

               Victor felt the carefully constructed wall around his heart break. He found himself in Mari’s arms, head on her shoulder, as he gasped out the words he had wanted to say for a month and a half now. “I’m so sorry. If I hadn’t asked him to go out for the coffee, this wouldn’t have happened. It’s my fault.”

               Mari squeezed him. “It’s not. He could have said no.”

               “We had coffee in the apartment, we should have just drunk that.”

               “You know, he called me the night before.”

               Victor nodded, fighting to breathe. He focused on Mari’s words and breath, timing his to hers.

               “He was already planning on going out that morning to get you your favorite coffee and breakfast. It probably amused him that you asked for it. He would do anything for you, you know that. Just to see you smile. He would go on and on about your smile. Phichit heard about it a lot too. So no, it wasn’t your fault.”

               Victor managed to stand, wiping his hands over his tear soaked cheeks. “Of course he was planning that, it was my birthday. That’s what he always did on our unofficial anniversary.”

               Mari nodded, patting his shoulder. “When you’re ready, come back in.”

 

Clapping and a few cheers as Victor re-entered Ice Castle. He waved to the audience, nodding to the group of skaters as he walked by. He hugged Hiroko and Toshiya before stepping onto the ice again. He signaled to Takeshi to play his video.

               “Yuuri hadn’t figured out a free program yet, so no one can skate to that. For my second performance today, the second to last time I will skate in my life, I will be skating to Ruth P.’s Lost Boy. This song encompasses a lot of what my husband meant to me. Before him, I was lost in my life, actually having no life, having sacrificed it all to the ice years before. Yuuri gave me, and several others, their Life and Love outside of the ice. He was my Peter Pan. He saved me. I don’t know if he ever knew that, but he did. He saved me.”

               Victor, who had worked on this program for years without revealing it to anyone, relaxed into the routine, allowing his mind to go numb.

**He came to me with the sweetest smile**

**Told me he wanted to talk for a while**

**He said, “Peter Pan. That’s what they call me.**

**I promise that you’ll never be lonely.”**

 

Another hour passed, with Phichit, Chris, Yuri, Otabek, and all the others skating to slightly more upbeat songs. They all joined in on an impromptu group skate to one of Yuuri’s favorite songs, Here’s to Us by Halestorm. Their antics managed to pull a small laugh from Victor, and while it didn’t reach his eyes, he did feel his lips curve slightly.

               Finally, it was time for the last performance. As another video played, everyone skated out to their positions.

               This time the video showed all of them grouped on and around a couch. Phichit’s voice rang out first. “What a lot of people don’t know about Yuuri is he was Hamiltrash. He was more than that, he loved all musical theatre, but there was something about Hamilton he especially loved. I think the tickets Victor surprised him with last year were the best gift he ever got, it’s all I heard about for months.”

               “He was so happy that night.” Victor cut in, eyes staring fixedly at his hands in his lap as his head rested on Chris’s shoulder. “He dressed in a lowkey cosplay. It was adorable. He loved a lot of the songs in the musical, but the last song always managed to pull him to tears, even if it popped up on shuffle with no build up to it.” Victor wiped at his eyes, both in the video and out on the ice. “He would always come find me afterwards. If you know me, you know I am insufferably clingy. That’s what he became after that song, without fail, every time.”

               “So that’s what we are skating to as our last farewell to our dear friend. His favorite song, from his favorite musical, and a promise from all of us to him. Katsuki Yuuri, we will tell your story.”

 

Victor waved off everyone. “No, go enjoy the hot springs, I’ll be there in a bit. I just want to make sure I have everything and thank Yuuko and Takeshi one last time.”

               Once alone in the changing room, Victor pulled on his sneakers, placing his skates into their bag. He opened his locker and removed the towels, extra set of training clothes, spare water bottle, and spare skate guards. Placing all of those in a bag, he straightened, carefully plucking the picture of himself and Yuuri in their Duetto costumes. He held Yuuri’s face in his hands as the younger man cried happily, clutching at Victor’s arms. Eyes not leaving the photo, he closed the locker door with a final click.

               “We call everything on the ice love. That’s what you taught me, solnyshko. That’s why I have to leave it. I’m sorry, Yuuri.”

               Victor slung his backpack over his shoulder, grabbed the handle for the wheeled bag which held his skates, and left Ice Castle Hasetsu.

 

Back at Yu-topia, Chris nudged his fiancé. Phichit looked at the message on Chris’s phone.

**V.N.: Sorry. Won’t be joining you. Have fun, stay as long as you all like, I’ll cover it.**

               Phichit raised his eyebrows. “Do we need to..?”

               Chris pursed his lips as he responded to Victor.

**C.G.: You need company? Help?**

**V.N.: No, I’m fine. I’ll be in touch.**

**C.G.: Don’t forget my invitation to come visit Switzerland.**

**V.N.: I won’t. Bye Chris.**

               “I think even if we were to try to go to him right now, we wouldn’t find him.”

**Author's Note:**

> https://open.spotify.com/user/12147185294/playlist/32CH2QQnVK9Reywy5mH1zf
> 
> That is the link to the playlist I put together for this fic. The songs are not in the order they are in the fic, and any songs in the list not referenced were the ones played during the break. The "Shakespeare" song by Miranda Cosgrove I imagine Victor having changed the lyrics around to fit him and Yuuri. This may or may not have been his gift to Yuuri on their unofficial anniversary, which here is totally what I'm calling the day when Victor first arrived at Hasetsu.


End file.
